The life-changing lesson I learned by observing pesky flies

 

When I was living in Memphis, we had a lake in our backyard. We lived in a very old house and we had to deal with a lot of insects inside our house. For someone who doesn't like bugs, I was not very excited when flying insects would bounce around from window to window, and lightbulb to lightbulb. One day, there was a fly buzzing behind my head on the window, trying to find a way out. I was crawling in my skin, I hate bugs!!! I remember turning all of the lights off in one room and then running to the other room and switching the lights on, in a hope to get the pesky insect out of the room! (Don't judge, everyone has their quirks).

I was extremely disappointed, however, when the fly stayed glued to the window right behind me! I jumped up to run away from the window, just to dodge another fly frantically dashing to the other room where I turned the light on. 

After I calmed down, I sat at the kitchen table and just observed the difference between the two flies. The one at the window stayed at that window for most of the time. It was almost as if he seemed to know exactly where he needed to be. He stayed at the window where the sun was the brightest. He was never attracted to the light bulbs. He may occasionally go to another window to see if he could get to the sun that way, but when he knew he was not having any luck, he went back to the giant window with the sun.

The other bug was driving me crazy! He was jumping around from light bulb to light bulb, he was always in a frenzy. He seemed to have no direction, no strategy, and he never paid attention to the windows, which is where he would probably have the best hopes of escaping. He just kept flying, and almost running into me and everything around him, because he couldn't decide which light to go to or what he needed to do. It was exhausting to watch him.

This experience opened my eyes to how we try to find truth and joy in our lives. Sometimes we forget or don't know what we need to do to get out of this rut or feel better. Sometimes we get on social media for long periods of time, craving validation or a sense of belonging. Sometimes, we worry so much about creating friendships and being accepted by people, we get this rush when we are with them, then we reflect and feel horrible for becoming someone we are not, just to fit in and please others. Sometimes, we feel sad and we just keep eating (or smoking/drinking) because we just want to have SOMETHING to make us happy and give us relief from our worries. Sometimes we binge-watch movies or our favorite shows to escape from everything around us and be somewhere that "feels good." Sometimes, we become swept up in the political events and trends around us because we listen to all of the voices around us and we don't really know who to listen to and we become anxious, scared, and overwhelmed. 

These things REALLY do bring some happiness to us, or portions of truth, but the problem is that they are temporary, or not the full truth. They are as lasting as a lightbulb. They bring light to the room, but if you stand on these things alone, you feel empty, you still feel like something is missing, you don't have a specific direction to start feeling better, and you hop around from one thing to another desperately seeking for something to give you the fulfillment you need. You become frustrated when people don't see things the same way you do and you are more likely to bring others down because you are felling a bit lost yourself.

The fly at the window, however, he didn't move! I tried to trick him by turning the lights on in the other room, to distract him from the window so I didn't have to look at him anymore. He knew where the sun was and he didn't want to move. He knew the difference between the sunshine and the artificial light. So he stayed there, knowing that if he was going to escape, that was where he needed to be.

This inspired me! For us to have knowledge and joy in our lives, we need to know the ultimate source of truth and joy. To me, joy is more than something temporary that makes you happy. Joy, to me, is a state of being: the conscious effort of your personality to intentionally be happy each moment, despite the difficulties around you. Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ are the only source of truth and joy. 

I know some people will see that this is a religious post and stop reading, but I didn't always see it this way. I always thought that I needed to work hard enough to be happy. With this thought process, I saw all of my weaknesses and pushed through pain and I put on a mask, trying to go through what I thought I should do because I thought, without really recognizing it, that I needed to earn my happiness. This process continually resulted in loneliness, heartache, and feeling like I wasn't good enough, even if everything in my life was wonderful. I overate, I binge-watched, spent WAY too much time on social media, and I kept soul-searching to find what I needed to do to fill this void. I really related with the frantic fly. It's hard when you feel like you don't have a direction and you are stuck in a hole you can't get out of. It doesn't help when people keep expecting so much from you and sometimes telling you that you need to do more for those things to go away.

 What changed for me was the pandemic, honestly. I couldn't keep moving and working to distract myself from all of these negative feelings and emotions. That was extremely uncomfortable, having to live with myself with no escape! Sometimes, when you think so lowly of yourself, you have a hard time reaching out to other people, because you think they won't like you either!

But the scriptures brought me so much comfort! Look at what The Lord says in Isaiah 7:13: "Is it a small thing for you to weary men, but will ye weary [me] also?" - I took this as Him pleading with me to turn to him in prayer saying: I love you! I want you to turn to me in everything. You can weary your family and your friends, but me, I am asking you to come and talk to me. I cannot weary of YOU! I will not leave you!

Another verse that really struck me was when Jesus visited the people in the Americas after his resurrection in 3 Nephi 18 (another example to me of how God loves all of his children and doesn't leave anyone forgotten). After he gets done explaining what communion (or sacrament) is and its significance, he then says this in verse 12: "And if ye shall always do these things blessed are ye for ye are built upon my rock." 

That has never struck me or stood out to me before, but after talking about his blood and the wine and then hearing about being "built upon His rock," I had a very profound realization:

The first image I had was the rock that Jesus knelt on in the garden of Gethsemane. At this rock, he poured his heart, soul, and blood as he felt the pains that every human has had and will have. Upon this rock, he got to know us in a personal level so that he could lift us and advocate for us. Think about that: upon parking of these emblems, we are built upon that rock! What a beautiful image of being there with him, absorbing everything he is doing for us and working together!

But to understand the significance of a rock, you must know what it is made of. When a rock is eroded or decomposed, it becomes sand. Though sand is moldable, fun, and sometimes used in construction, all by itself sand cannot withstand rain, floods, and winds. If something, such as a rock, is solid and firm and even that can erode, imagine how easily we can begin to fall apart when:

* We face challenges and stumble around without using the atoning power of Jesus Christ
* We fail to nourish our testimonies and faith (and in the process, it begins to dry out and crumble)
* Sins or false doctrine creeps into our lives and numbs us from everything else until we don't resemble our strongest "self"

The analogies of the rock and the sources of light have really changed my life. As I have focused on turning to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ continuously throughout each day, trying to hear the voice of the Holy Ghost, and wait steadfastly for the second coming of Jesus Christ, the void in my heart has been replaced with this emphatic fervor. I no longer feel like I am constantly seeking for happiness because I feel that even when the winds rage and life seems to have no hope left, I have this inexplicable peace and calm because I don't have to do this alone. I may cry and fight to get past the pain and heartache, but this peace in the midst of so much chaos leaves me with a happiness and a lack of emptiness. It is my evidence that there really is a being that knows me personally, and who is willing to take the slack for my weaknesses, assuring me that as long as I turn to Him, he will be with me. I have recognized this peace as love. The longer I feel this peace, the more often I am able to hear the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit, the only way our Father in Heaven communicates with us.

I testify that real joy and truth can only come from The Sun, or The Son. He loves us and is asking that we turn to him. He does not want us to do this alone, and we must not be deceived by artificial light so we do not crumble. May we all wait steadfastly, like this fly at the window, and look toward our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, so when we feel misplaced, we can sit and recognize how to return to Him.